Note from April 2023: I intended to get all these interviews with music “journalist” Ginger Babczak shot and posted before getting into the real skits of the show, but it didn’t pan out that way and only the first two in the series with Nick and Pádraig ended up getting made. So, rather than drag … Read moreMeet Jason Fisgard
Atlanta and Paris are arguing about Paris’ exorbitant spending in her pursuit to bag a billionaire… until Nick shows up and gives Paris some unwanted pointers about what she’s really lacking.
Nick and Sally’s commentary:
“That awful showrunner woman took her time building the set for this one, Sally. But once again, she wouldn’t listen to my good ideas, like building the walls out of bricks of cocaine.”
“Well, that’s probably for the best, Mr. White. I don’t think Mr. Garcetti would want you snorting the walls of his strip club.”
“Nonsense! Luigi and I get along just fine! He’s just too busy to answer the phone when I call, that’s all.”
In the second of our interviews introducing the cast, music journalist Ginger Babczak sits down with Pádraig Ó Seachnasaigh, the DJ at Lucky Luigi’s Lingerie Lounge, which is next door to Nick White’s recording studio and thus the perfect hangout for the merry band of “eejits” from there.
Pádraig seems like a rather friendly bloke… at first… well, depending on your pedigree… anyway, he spills some tea about Nick et al.
Nick and Sally’s commentary:
“Sally, what does ‘gowl’ mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Mr. White. I think it must be Irish for ‘friend.'”
“Ah, yes, that makes sense. But then what did Pádraig mean when he said it was ‘great craic’ to watch me fuck up?”
“Well, he must have meant that it makes him very sad.”
“I’ll never understand why the Irish have to have their own weird slang for everything. Just speak bloody English like we taught you lot! It’s like they think they have their own country and culture or something!”
“Oh, Mr. White, I don’t think you should say such things to Pádraig. You know how upset he gets.”
“Some people just can’t handle the truth, Sally.”
Nick just wants to read (or at least look at the pictures in) the latest issue of Hot Yacht Action before bedtime, but his wife Joanne ambushes him with some pesky questions inspired by the infamous Oscar slap.
Nick and Sally’s commentary:
“My God, Sally, what a bloody nightmare to film this one. I was stuck in bed with Mrs. White for almost 2 weeks waiting for that awful woman who runs this show to get her shit together and finish filming.”
“Hmph!”
“I know! I thought I’d never get away and be free to bang bimbos again!”
“Hmph!”
“What’s the matter, love?”
“Nothing, Mr. White.”
“Did you miss me around the studio when I was gone?”
“Well… I mean…”
“Aww… anyway, Sally, was there any good gossip while I was away filming?”
“Bono won another prestigious prize. The Fulbright prize for International Understanding.”
“Hmph! How dare he! I should have won that instead!”
“But it’s an international relations prize, Mr. White.”
“Yes, well, I’ve had plenty of international relations. In fact, I’ve had relations in over 120 nations around the planet. Nobody’s had more international relations than me! Not even Gene Simmons!”
“Yes, Mr. White.”
“Bad enough I had to spend two weeks in bed with Mrs. White, but Bono stole another award from me while I was imprisoned? Goddamn it! Sally, write these awful Fulbright people a nasty letter admonishing them for not giving that prize to me instead!”
“Right away, Mr. White.”
In the first of our interviews introducing the cast, music journalist Ginger Babczak sits down with legendary rock singer-songwriter Nick White to find out just what the Hell is wrong with him… er, to get his opinions on his fellow castmates or whatever.
And to hear him piss and moan about a more popular professional rival… boo hoo…
Nick and Sally’s commentary:
“Good Lord, Sally, what a nightmare. That interviewer woman refused to take her top off and didn’t even want to talk about yachts with me! Even worse, the groupies got all camera-shy and only wanted to fake pleasuring me instead of actually doing their duty by me for real.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. White.”
“See, this is why we never should have let women into music journalism. Back in the ’80s it was almost all men and groupies did whatever you told them. Hell, sometimes you didn’t even need to tell them, they knew what they were doing… of course, those were the ones you usually got a fresh dose of the clap from. Speaking of which, did you pick up my prescription for me?”
“Yes, Mr. White.”
“No, no… I wasn’t talking about my ointment and penicillin, I meant did you pick up my Percocets?”
“Oh… um, the pharmacy said they were all out.”
“Bloody Hell… well, don’t just stand there. Phone my dealer!”
“Yes, Mr. White.”
“Sally, what day is it today?”
“Tuesday, Mr. White.”
“Bloody Hell… did I forget to show up to that nasty showrunner woman‘s filming thing?”
“No, Mr. White, she got the footage she needed.”
“Hmm… I don’t remember any of it. I was at the boobie bar and Pádraig ordered a bottle of whisky and the next thing it’s this morning and I’m naked in my office, with 5 angry voicemails from my accountant and some woman’s lipstick all over my nether regions… must have been a good weekend!”
“Sally! That awful showrunner woman didn’t use any of the artistic nudes I took of myself when she wasn’t looking! Bloody Philistine!”
“Oh… well, I’m sure it’s just that YouTube doesn’t allow that sort of thing.”
“Well, they should!”
“Yes, Mr. White.”
“How else are we supposed to get ladies excited to watch the show if we can’t show them the goods?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Mr. White, but I think the show creator said something about running ads?”
“Hmph… and I never did get the 8-ball of cocaine I demanded in my rider, either.”
“Should I call your dealer, Mr. White?”
“Yes, damn it!”
From the video description: A typical morning in the smoke pit next to the world-famous Starboard Sound, owned by rock star Nick White. Well, OK, afternoon. Late afternoon. Anyway, we briefly meet our cast, plus some randos who walked by and vandalized the wall as they passed by. Nick and Sally’s commentary: “Did you see … Read moreThe Nick White Show: “The Smoke Pit” (pre-trailer)
