“Sally, have you seen Martin lately?”
“He’s in Studio 1, Mr. White.”
“But have you seen him?”
“No, Mr. White. But Jason‘s been bringing the lunch orders to the door and Mike’s been bringing them in, so he must be in there.”
“How much longer til he can mix my new album, Sally?”
“Last I heard, you were number 151 on his list.”
“Goddamn it!”
“But he is making headway. He just started the new AC/DC album and they were number 47.”
“Bloody Hell, Sally… at this rate goddamn Bono’s going to rack up 4 more Grammys before my new album even comes out!”
“Well, Mr. Browne said he could mix your new album whenever you like.”
“No, I want it to be good! I’m waiting for Martin. Can’t Martin bump me up a little?”
“I don’t think so, Mr. White. Mr. Johnston doesn’t bump anyone up.”
“I want to see this list!”
“Here.”
“What do you mean he can’t bump me up? Lemmy is number 48 and he’s dead!”
“Oh, that’s the old version. Metallica took Lemmy’s spot.”
“I thought Metallica were number 152, after me!”
“They were, but Mr. Johnston had a cancellation when Lemmy died, so he bumped them up.”
“You just said he doesn’t bump anyone up!”
“Except for Metallica. And Bon Jovi. Oh, and I think the Foo Fighters got bumped up, too.”
“AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Martin Johnston is an award-winning multi-platinum mix engineer and record producer. Half of what you hear on rock radio was blessed with Martin’s magic mojo.
Martin is busy. Stop trying to call him and please take a number.
No, he can’t be bothered to pose for a photo for the website. I told you to stop calling.